Okay, I will rephrase that, we almost all have complexes. You know that thing you hate above all else, that you want to hide, that shames you, and that you make an effort to have fixed. We all have at least one. In some of us it is more important than in others. Sometimes it's a big nose, sometimes it's our thighs, a small chest (previously this was me, among other things), ears or even feet.
In fact you can define a complex as a part of our body that we find unsightly. We do not like it, and therefore we conclude incorrectly that it does not please others either. And sometimes it's true, a lot of complexes are created by social expectations and pressure. In fact, sometimes that's how a complex is born, when we learn that something we have doesn't please others.
The plastic surgery industry loves our complexes, at least they love the opportunity that it presents to fix it for us.
In any case, that's how one of my complexes became one. Because I used to like this part of my body, at least as much as I liked the rest of my body and it didn't bother me. And then I was forced to hear the "eh but they're really small", and the "it's not feminine at all", my image of my chest changed, because yes even our vision of ourselves can change because of the judgments of others. You may think it's crazy, and hard to relate to, but then I hope from that you don't have a problem with body image?
So I'm complicated. The same was said about my mouth. My lips are too thin and it is not very big. My teeth are neither very perfectly white nor perfectly aligned. Some have said that my smile is not very flattering. In short it caused me to not like my mouth. But if I had never been made a topic, I may never have looked at it differently.
And I know I'm not the only one who ended up in a situation like this. I know that in general, that's the way it is for everyone. We begin pick away at ourselves either because others make us think that we are not "in the norm", or because we ourselves think that others will not like us because of something that isn't the norm.
I'm not right?
Yes, there is still a part of my consciousness that tends to think about them. We can always find things to nit pick about ourselves only to make something into a problem, more often than not it has something that we perceive from outside. In fact, we are afraid try and find it in others because we see it as a personal failing. We know how hard and cruel external judgment can sometimes be, so we imagine that what we don't like about ourselves will be seen as even more unsightly in the eyes of others. We're all the same, we want to please, to show only what we perceive as out good sides.
But be honest, let's say you're alone on Earth, would you be getting bent out of shape by anything about your body?
I don't think so.
And neither can you.
Society pushes us to see our bodies through the eyes of others. Either in the form or magazines, retouched photos, social networks etc. Everything in this world wants to make us perfect, it puts unattainable beauty standards on us. Nothing is too extreme, girls must be feminine from A to Z and men must be manly. If not, you are not in the norm.
It is black and white.
That's the problem. We persist in living according to others, in making sure that we fit into the mold society has created for us. But it doesn't have to be that way. Why don't we stop thinking about the critics? What if we lived for ourselves, and only for ourselves? Not in the form of narcissists mind you, but as somebody happy with who they truly are.
Yes I may have thick thighs, a little cellulite, I may not have big breasts, I have a nose that I felt never fit with my face. I also have curly hair. So what?
We're all different, each with our own little flaws.
No one is perfect. (Now I have heard that somewhere before.)
The best way to stop freaking out is to stop comparing yourself to others. Stop accepting the lies that beauty magazines lay on so thick.
Live for yourself! Learn to accept yourself as you are. We don't care what the fashion designers think. I don't know about you but I never asked them for their opinion but they are sure willing to give it to you. You can never please everyone, you don't need to, the most important thing is to please yourself.
Love your flappy arms, love your big feet, love your small size. Love your body. Feel good about yourself. Don't hide your imperfections, accept them. And that's how you learn to be confident. The mean people move on. The only person you will have to endure all your life is yourself, and only yourself. So make sure you love yourself, you will live so much happier.